The Me That I Used To Be

*I had this poem on my heart yesterday I hope y'all enjoy it*

I miss the me that I used to be
The me that loved free and carelessly
The me that was bitter and hurt free
The me that now I wished that I could be

But the me that I am comes from bruises and misuse
The hurt that I feel comes from years of abuse
Although I thought I healed the bruise
The truth was I drowned it in sexual booze

I left the beautiful me that I was and turned into a bitter old bug
Not allowing anyone to comfort and hug
I hit all with fake smiles
Cleaning up my tears with hurt stained towels

I sure do love to hate to live this way
but I do things to assure that in this emotional state I will stay
I shake and shiver and cry him a river
I get him to feel sorry for me when the truth is
that my misery is loving his company

This poem was inspired by a man
One who convinced me to love him and
He turned out to be bitter and cold
Only wanting to hurt me and not love me til I'm old

Misery loves company yes indeed
Be sure and guard your heart and take heed
That he'll come to you with the stars and the moon
just be sure to check the promises not later but soon
Because you could get your heart broken and
Be used only for a bitter token

I miss the me that I used to be
The me that loved free and carelessly
The me that was bitter and hurt free
The me that now I wished I could be



Thanks

Suga

Idk what to title this

Really in this last year or two I have had to grow up a considerable amount. I have had to take the rose colored glasses off and start drinking from the adult fountain because living in a fantasy world wasn't working for me. I do continue to dream big where everything in my life is concerned. I teach my children to dream as big as possible. I try to follow (for the most part) what I teach my children.

My dreams was that I would meet him. He would fill my life with the love that I perceived that I didn't receive growing up. We would live happily ever after. What a let down it was when I found out that people are just people. Not saying that my heart is hard, but now I have no expectations of some man riding in on a black stallion (I'm personally tired of the white horse analogy) and swooping me off of my over worked feet and loving me like Mandingo. Dating has gotten alot easier for me since I stopped with such ridiculous fairytale expectations. Not saying that my expectations are as low as "Long as the ninja aint picking his nose and wiping the results on his shirt", but to realistic expectations. Truthfully I am not going to be any body's stepford wife. I am not going to swoop in and cook, clean, workout everyday for hours to keep in shape, and sex my man's every night until his brain oozes out of his ear. What I will do is love him for who he is if he is what I need him to be when I get to know who he is. (I hope that sentence makes sense.) Too many people try to find a lump of clay and mold it to what they need or want it to be. For some that idea may work, but for others that project will be doomed from the start. People only change when and if they see that it is necessary to change. They don't change because you nag them or because they went to prison. People change when they come to a conscious decision that the consequences to the decisions that are being made are no longer sufficient to obtain the type results they are looking for. I don't want to be with anyone that initially tries to change me into what in their mind thinks is better. I want someone that will love me so sweet that it motivates me to be the person that I know I can be and that I always wanted to be, but never had the courage to be.

Sometimes loving someone for who they are and letting them spread their wings and soar is the best gift that you can give. Even if who they are isn't what you want in a mate, you still have given the gift of freedom to be who they are. You can not change people that you love. Your love can motivate change.

Eating out

With the holidays upon us and people celebrating the holidays with food, drink and family, I thought it would be appropriate for me to write my feelings down about eating out. I love to eat out at restaurants and bars, but I hate eating at peoples homes. I know this sounds backwards because technically I really don't know what is going on in that restaurant kitchen. I think that is why I am so comfortable with eating in a restaurant. I don't want to know that the chef may have dug in his nose, scratched his balls, or farted while he was preparing my meal. I would like to be ignorant and believe that the chef takes pride in his work and would like me to come back and break bread with him again.

Going to peoples house to eat is like playing Russian roulette. People are so friggin gross sometimes. They cook these concoctions and expect you to eat this runny mac and cheese, hard roast beef, and over sweetened kool-aid with a smile. I don't know if I'm eating H1N1, salmonella, ecoli, or something that is just plain old gross in flavor. If you can't properly prepare food without cross contamination; stay your hind parts out of the kitchen. Stop going in there pretending that you are Martha Stewart when you know you are the Freddy Cruger of the culinary world. Cooking and killing folk is not the way to celebrate these paid days off. I could actually be eating my last meal if I get some of those nasty bacteria on my plate. I have no desire to eat and die. I absolutely do not like when I go to peoples house and they invite me to eat and their house is filthy. No thank you I will pass on the food poisoning that you are cooking up and through here. I would thank the host very much not to put their homemade slop on my plate and act like its been prepared with love.

I will be visiting to share my laugh and my conversation with people during these paid vacation days, but I will not be sharing food. Please do not get offended if I visit your house and I choose not partake in the foods being served. I don't mean to offend, but my stomach and my tongue appreciates bacteria free foods. I don't know if my health insurance covers out of state stomach pumping and antibiotics. I wish you all the best in sharing your days with your family, but be careful where you eat....because it could be your last meal.

Love yall

Suga C

Whoredom

I was having a conversation with a very near and dear close personal friend. He was giving me his take on being a "whore." I have not and will never pretend to be as pure as the driven snow because honestly I have had a few snow plow drivers. So, I tend not to judge women or men by the number of partners that they have had a sexual relationship. To me a "whore" is a combination of factors. 1. The number of men/women one has had sex with. 2. The frequency in which this person changes partners 3. The "Whore-atude" (combination of whore +attitude= whore-atude). What is whore-atude? Whore-atude is the attitude of not giving a care in the world about how the changing of these different partners is affecting their bodies or minds. It is the skimpy clothes wearing women...that it really doesnt matter what the human is, but if it has a pulse they are sleeping with it. It is the man that has never met a chick that he actually turned down the sex.

So, my question to my close personal friend was how many partners are we considering is too many to be with? He said that he estimates more than three men in a years time. So, his conclusion was if a woman sleeps with more than three men in a years time that qualifies her as a citizen of Whoredom. I disputed that fact. Even using the three month rule with every relationship a woman still could have a three sexual partners in a years time (pushing it I know, but still I had to challenge him). I asked him how many women would a man have to sleep with in order to be given his citizenship papers to Whoredom and he said that it really depends on the type of women that the man sleeps with rather than the amount. I agreed with this, but I agree with that for both men and women.

I try not to judge like I said earlier, because Suga is sweet and I've had ample to sample, but that didn't make me a whore it made me a slut and misguided. I do agree that when folk fall into a certain lifestyle that yes they can be considered "whores",but a few unwise sexual decisions doesn't automatically make people be whores. I think most (not all) people have been a tax paying citizen of Whoredom. The double standard for what a whore is still remains in this society...so sad because in this recession protected sex is the one free thing that you can do that's fun.

Certain things

There are certain things that there is not any nice way to say to a person. There are nice ways of telling someone that they have something in their nose, they have toilet paper on their shoe, or breath may not be so fresh, but there is no real nice way to tell someone that their parent may be a crackhead, or that their daughter is a slut, or that their boyfriend is a bum.

I have encountered several of these situations in the last few weeks and as blunt as I am with telling things like it is...I find it hard to hurt peoples feelings when deep truths are concerned. I have a friend and her mother is married to a crack abuser. The man stays gone for days when he gets money and he has admitted to having a problem and this was before she married the man. Her mom is and has been well aware of the problem for quite some time before the marriage even took place, but her mom chose to move forward with the marriage. She is totally upset that her mother continues in this relationship with a known drug abuser. So, how do I tell this chick without hurting her feelings that I do believe that her momma is sucking on the crack pipe as well. Do I say, "Your momma is Ms. Tyrone Biggums." How do I say this without coming off as trying to be crass other than saying, "Your momma is making some crackhead decisions." or "Your momma is practicing crackhead logic." or "Is being a crackhead contagious because your mom is showing symptoms of crackhead-itis?" The subject is so tough and touchy.

I know this older man and he has a teenage daughter and this child is out of control. He thinks that shes a princess, but in reality the child is a hooker....well I take that back hookers get paid she's just giving it away for free. The girl has no standards all a man has to have is a pulse and some lips and she's staking claim and giving up the yanni. She has had sex with her dad's best friend, some family friends, some coworkers, and few stray men here and there and the child is only seventeen. The dad is out fighting and getting into trouble trying to protect something that has been auctioned to the highest bidder many moons ago. I told him that new yanni is like money to men... If you sit a new yanni in front of a man he's going to snatch it up just like money. The man is not going to ask about any birthdays or the legality of the yanni just like he wouldn't ask about if the money is legal. They just take it and run....so goes her innocence. I told him not to let his sanity leave with her innocence. It is totally obvious that his child is a slut. I know that it was harsh, but the man is about to lose everything trying to go to court to get lawyers to sue. He was upset and talking to me about it, so I have the cruel harsh reality to him as easy as I could make it.

The bum boyfriend is a bit easier for me to just say because I have no feelings for losers. My friend is in a relationship with a bum and I wish she would just wake up and let it go, but she hasn't. I listened to her cry about her problems with him and at first I would offer advice then that seemed not to work. I started just listening and only offering support and a listening ear, but no advice. After a few months of this same episode; my nerves were stretched to the maximum limit. I finally had to tell her that she was dealing with a bum. I told her that unless she wanted better for herself there was nothing that complaining to me was going to do about changing the situation. She has to have the resolve within herself to see that this fool ain't worth the salt in his bread. Well I solved two problems with my rant. I opened her eyes up to the complaining attitude that wasn't changing anything...and I freed up some of my daytime minutes on my cell phone because she stopped calling so often.


How do you say things without hurting feelings? Sometimes there is no way to say these things without hurting the ones you love. The truth does indeed hurt, but should be told to give clarity to the stupid situations that we put ourselves in and continue to put up with. I hope that I have friends that will tell me the truth. I might get a little huffy, but I know its out of love. Maybe that truth will give us a chance to bond even closer because I will appreciate the fact that you loved me enough to tell me the whole truth and nothing, but the truth.

Thanks

Suga

Tellin it like it t-i is

I have a reputation for telling things rather bluntly or giving the elephant in the room a trumpet so that all can hear his voice. Lately, I have been trying to tone my tongue because I hurt some one's feelings. Unintentionally hurt as it were, I still felt bad for the hurt feelings.

I have been following my same routine, but trying to sweeten my tongue. My tongue is usually not bitter, but as I said my tongue is very blunt. The other day this old friend of mine said something that took me by surprise. She said that I was a hater of her life because it was so drama free. I gave her the side eye and proceeded to take back all of the promises that I had made about sweetening my words with sugar because this heffa had taken leave of her senses. I turned around and told her that yes I was jealous so very extremely jealous of her life. She has four beautiful children and an adoring husband. I would be crazy not want that for myself, but the drama free part had to be a delusion on her part. Her four kids are Shepard's of laziness, stupidity, and foolishness. I told her of course I could see me being jealous of her life...being that she has a nineteen year old daughter that is knocked up by her live in boyfriend. Her live in boyfriend barely makes enough money to purchase the air for them to breath. He showed me his paycheck one time and I asked him was he an illegal alien...because even an alien would demand better pay.

Of course I'm jealous of her life her only son is a habitual abuser of marijuana, which is fine and okay if you can maintain a job, but he has no job and doesn't read well enough to pass the GED Course, but has time to get a girlfriend. Oh, I am so jealous of having the police call her in the middle of the night because her son was throwing a miniature Woodstock in a mans sugar cane field. Oh, and lets not forget her hubby ...he has a heart of gold but a mind of a rock. He doesn't read or write above a second grade level.

I'm just green with envy of her other daughter who has and is sleeping with half of the town. I hear she has that nasty woman's disease as well. Who wouldn't want a piece of that pie.

So lookey chick if you don't start none it won't be none...I only tell it like it T-I IS.

WWIV

I met WWIV on an accident. I was thinking about growing my hair back to its natural state when I saw him. He was tall, dark, beautiful smile, with a head full of long flowing healthy locs. I met him at a time in my life where I was pretty much over the male species. Men could only provide me with one thing and one thing only ...directions to the nearest Adult Superstore. I had to say something to him about his hair. His hair was absolutely beautiful. So, I asked him about his hair. How long had he been growing his hair, was it a difficult transition, and who started and did the upkeep of his locs. He was extremely friendly in his responses. Attractive as WWIV was to me I continued on my thought process of him being just a man....and me not being ready to date. We exchanged phone numbers and during months of conversation we discussed natural hair care, life, children, parenting, clouds, ants, pillows, colors, meaningless banter, success, giving, receiving, blessings, curses, childhood, dreams, aspirations, old relationships, and finally love.

One night I was in the bed when my phone rang with the Computer Love ring tone. WWIV had is on ring tone by this time even though I publicly didn't like him in that way. I answered the phone...WWIV let me know that he was just a few miles away from my house and would like to see me. I made arrangements for my friend to come watch my kids and took off to see him. I get to the parking lot and he's standing there so tall, so beautiful, just like the first time I saw him. I park my car. He opens my door, pulls me out of the car, and gives me a big hug. I am shocked, but it feels good. His arms are strong and they hold me just right. It was like his shoulders were custom made for my head. I lay my head on his shoulder. He begins to speak, his breath so sweet, his voice so deep, my body is so hot.

We sit and talk. He confesses that hes into me. I would've played like I really wasn't into him, but I really couldn't. I was standing in a parking lot at midnight on a weekday with my house shoes, a silk scarf, a t-shirt, and some jogging pants on. I couldn't deny the attraction that I felt to him. I tried, but he was just too much of a real brother to let my insecurities, past relationships, and broken heart get in the way of this friendship that had blossomed into much more. He gave me my "okay" back that night. All before that night I was angry, bitter, jaded, frustrated and upset with men, but he gave me the strength back to be "okay". I will love him always for this. I don't know how this relationship will end, but I know that the beginning gave me more and taught me more than any other relationship I've ever been involved in.

I told him that he gave me the strength to be "okay." He said that I always had the strength and that he never knew that I was angry or bitter with men...he only knew that I was the sweetest woman that he had ever met and that I had given him his reason to be "okay." He said that before me the women were rude, needy, and down right disrespectful. He had never met a woman that just let him be who he was without wanting something materially in return.

I just think that we were both brought together at the right place at the right time. I love him for who he is and for who he wants to be. He supports me in my foolishness...He makes it okay to laughs at my mistakes. He makes me feel like its okay to be me. He accepts me ... He doesn't love me different, but he loves me right. I will end this in saying he and I are not perfect, we do have disagreements, but we both know what we want and how good it is.


Suga C

Taking Responsibility

I just want to write what's on my heart. I have some things on my heart that I need to get out so that I can purge my system of negativity. I thought that I said my final goodbye to the nasty behavior between you and me when I signed on the dotted line on the divorce papers. I found the attorney, paid for the divorce, tracking fees, and the court costs, but you still find ways to hurt me. I thought that this would help me in dealing with all of the animosity, piss, vinegar, and bad blood feelings about what you had done and continued to do. I have gone to countless counselors to work on me and my dealings with you because whether I like it or not we are going to be tied together for the rest of our lives. I don't want to paint myself as a saint because by no means was I a saint. I was weak and determined to make my marriage lasts because in my mind I thought that love began and ended with my relationship with you. I waited for you to recognize that I was what you wanted. I recognize now that waiting for you to get your stuff together was the biggest mistake of my life. I ruined countless opportunities in order for our marriage to work. I didn't take countless jobs, I worked meaningless jobs just to make money so that our family would stay intact, I changed the way that I used to be to be the woman that you wanted me to be, but nothing I did was ever enough. It took me leaving and getting a peace of mind to recognize that mutilating my inner being didn't help either one of us. The time alone also gave me time to recognize who I truly am. I wasn't a good wife to you because I wasn't a good person to myself. I tried to blame you for all of the problems, but I was a problem as well. I don't blame myself for everything, but I am taking responsibility for the things that happened that I know didn't help, but only harmed me and the marriage. I do, however, admit that if I hadn't changed me; the marriage would've died much sooner. I have let go of these feelings, but now there are some new ones.

Since, I've openly expressed that I have no problem with you having a relationship with our daughter; you have done nothing but abuse that relationship. It seems as if you are using our child to get back at me. You show up when you want to, with some rinky dink crap for her to hold on to then just as quickly as you come you leave. I used to make excuses to her, but now she has some age and understanding; she's not accepting the excuses anymore. She's becoming angry with you. She has told you this, but you think that it is me that is telling her those things. Our child is old enough and smart enough to know lies when she hears them. You haven't come through on one promise that you have made to her.

I have accepted blame for the things that I did to hurt our marriage, but your damaged relationship with our daughter I will not be held responsible for. I am confused about a lot of things, but this one is on you and you alone. I have forgiven you and am moving forward with my life. I wish you the best in all that you do.

I ain't got it

In these trying times people are having to cut back and make sacrifices to make their ends meet. I am one of the people that have had to make some serious sacrifices for my family's needs. I refuse to sit around and let my children go without things that they need because I am able to do something about it. I, however, have these people around me that somehow think that life has all of a sudden changed and issued free money passes to me. The money that I have...I have earned. I didn't go out and sell my body, find a magical money tree, or a leprechaun's pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. I did, however, go to the classified ads and find a job. Getting a job is an archaic concept for some people, but it is a way of life in my home.

The answer is, "NO!" to those of you that are asking for money. I am not a member of the FDIC. My money is not insured by the government. My suggestion to you is to either get a payday loan or better yet just go and get a payday. Stop sitting around waiting on a friggin hand out from me because your hands will rot and fall off if you are waiting for a free pay off from me. I ain't got it, boo!


The answer is, "NO!" to those of you that are asking for free room and board. I am not moving anything else in my house that I have to feed to keep alive. My couch is for sitting not for sleeping. I have put out poison for all of the insects because I refuse to let them sit around my house for free as well. I have placed a sign on my house that reads, "NO CHILDREN, NO PETS, and UNEMPLOYED PERSONS ALLOWED." I thought that would make my stance clear, but obviously you moochers needed more clarification. I ain't got it, boo!

I just don't have the room in my heart or my wallet any longer for you people that are allergic to work. I am moving on with my life. Help yourself and maybe someone will come along to help you . I can not be a crutch to anyone that is not trying to help themselves. Helping people that are totally unwilling to do anything has gotten me into a world of trouble. My help and charitable gifts stop here today.

Thanks

Suga C

Lending a Helping Hand

I am no good Samaritan. As a matter of fact when I see people in a fix/trouble, I try not to make eye contact so that they won't ask me for help. Yeah, I know, I should do better, but at least I'm honest about it. Well, I was coming out of the grocery store on Friday, and I see this elderly lady barely walking to her vehicle with a basket full of groceries. She was shuffling her feet, barely lifting her feet to make the baby steps to get to her vehicle. I was moved to pity. So, against my better judgement I walk over to her and ask her, "Do you need some help?" She promptly says, "NO!" I turn to walk away when she, says under her breath "Ion need no help from no colored woman" I immediately turned around and my instincts were to go over and kick this old broads legs from under her. I just gave her a look, but I continued to my car, which was parked right next to her truck. I over hear her tell her hubby, "Did you see that colored gal, ask me if I needed some help?" I just shook my head and laughed.

First off, who says, "colored" anymore, unless they are referring to how they colored in a coloring book or something. I mean really that showed me that this woman was close to 100 years old with that type of dialect. She called me a "gal" I haven't heard "gal" since I watched Rosewood or Color Purple. I felt like I was living back in the 50's. I didn't address her ignorance, but it did give me a perspective about minding my own business. If, I hadn't tried to help the old worn down bitty with her groceries I would've never been subjected to such foolishness. So, the next time I see that old dusty bag of bones and her hubby struggling to do anything... I will just turn my head and keep it moving because this, "colored gal" has better things to do then to be insulted by an old dusty decrepit bag of bones.

Forgiveness

I would like to post a minute about forgiveness. I am pretty sure that all of us have done something in one way or the other that would require us to have to ask for forgiveness. I try not to live my life where I will have things that I regret, but I would be a liar if I said there are some things in my past that I wouldn't have done had I known then what I know now. I have done some things that required the gut wrenching, "I'm sorry, it was all my fault, can you ever forgive me?" speech. For those of you that know me in real life know that I am constantly apologizing because I truly do not mean to hurt any one's feelings, but sometimes my truth tends to hurt people.

Let's talk about my truth for a minute. My truth comes from my perspective. The way I was raised, the things that I have experienced in life, the people I have met, and I could go on with how I arrive to my truth, but I won't because I think the readers of my blog are smart enough to figure it out. I grew up in a real tiny town in central Louisiana. I was raised by my mother, but mostly by my grandmother. My biological father didn't bother to come and visit me or lay eyes on me until I was seven years old. My mother and I have talked about his absentee fatherism (I know that's not a word, but bear with me.) She apologized for him...which I thought was odd. I have forgiven my dad a long time ago for the things that he didn't do. Honestly, I found it more easy to forgive for the things that he did do (the list was much shorter). Point is I forgave and moved on.

Does it really matter if people don't understand why you are angry? Is it really that important that we have closure? Usually people that you hate feel two ways about you hating them... 1. They don't know that you are upset with them. 2. They know and they don't care that you are upset with them. So, truly forgiveness is not for the other person, but for you that is holding the anger or the grudge. So, if there is anyone that you have cause to be angry with, a conflict, or just some general bad blood take time today to forgive them. Take that hate out of your heart and head and make room for some new exciting positive things to come.

One Love

Suga C

Not Your Last Chance

He is not your last chance at love. Just like the cab that just passed you up and picked up the blonde with the big ta-ta's isn't the last cab in the city. Getting over the mentality of, "This is the last man that you are ever going to love" is easier said than done. You just have to look at in these terms... If that man was your last chance at love, then what a shape the world would be in because only a select few end up marrying and loving their first, second, third, loves of their lives.



My first love was a dapper, handsome young man. He had a way about him that made all the girls smile. He was a ladies man, but I didn't care because he placed me first (yeah, I know young and dumb). He was smart, athletic, and very outgoing. Fast forward to about a month ago. I saw my first love and he was sucking on a crack pipe, married, has a heap of children, and just looked so pitiful that I had to take a second look to make sure it was him. I was shocked at the twist his life has taken. I think he mixed crack with his swagger and smoked them both because he was dead in the eyes. I could've ended up with a crack head as husband; working my fingers to the bones to provide for us. Thank goodness that he wasn't my last chance at love.



My second boyfriend has the cutest dimples I have ever seen. He's tall and muscular because he played football. He has a gentle nature and a wonderful sense of humor. We broke up due to being young and wanting different things. Fast forward to today he is an engineer, a father, and all around good guy. Breaking up with him was hard, but necessary. He is one of my very nearest and dearest friends. We get along now better than ever. I will accept being in his life as a friend. He wasn't my last chance at love only a learning experience to help me in my future relationships.



My ex-boyfriend was from Florida. He was down for just about anything...very spontaneous. We met and a month later he asked me to marry him. Something about his proposal didn't sit right with me. So, I googled his butt and found out that he was married, wanted in several states for non support, didn't have a permanent residence, and was an all around loser. Of course, I packaged up all of my findings into a nice booklet for him with a red bow on the outside, but not before his wife had written me a letter informing me that he was married and a no good husband. I included the letter in the package, as well. He tried to deny, but I was done with him. He was not my last chance at love...He was my first chance at doing 5-10 for assault with a deadly weapon. He almost made me catch a case tryin to pull that cow dung on me.



Just know, ladies, he is not your last chance at love. Letting go is hard, but necessary so that you can find the one that is going to love you as much as you love them.

Vending Machine Massacre

Sammy is hungry. His stomach is growling. He looks in his pocket and he has fifty cents. He continues to work, his stomach continues to growl, churn, and pinch in hunger. Finally, break time comes. Sammy goes to the bathroom and washes his hands. He goes to the vending machine, looks in his pockets and gets his fifty cents, puts his money in the machine, and makes his selection. The wire in the machine turns, but his peanuts do not fall out the machine. Sammy checks his pockets to see if he has anymore money...he's flat broke. Sammy begins to shake the machine gently to dislodge the wire from the peanut bag. He shakes it a little and the bag looks like it is almost going to fall, but it hangs back on the wire. Sammy shakes the machine a little more and again the peanut bag looks like it is going to fall, but doesn't. Sammy shakes the machine again, and again, and again, with every shake his temper seems to rise higher and higher. Sammy shakes the machine so much that candy, chips, and cookies fall out of the wires, but them peanuts are still lodged in. Sammy gets so angry that he begins to kick and cuss the machine slap out...stating that the machine has ripped him off of his last few pennies. Sammy then goes to the office and writes a note, "Jackass, your broke @ss machine ripped me off...I want my money back."

Sammy was mad about fifty cents. He had robbed the machine of other goods, but the fact that the peanuts didn't fall out has him out of this world filled with anger. Sammy places the note on the machine and he begins to kick it and cuss the machine out some more. His break is over, he's still hungry, angry, ripped off, and minus a bag of beloved peanuts.

I have never in my life seen someone act so crazy in my life. I thought this was the funniest thing I have ever laid eyes on. He was so angry, but when he looked at me leaning against the wall with a face full of tears trying to stand up ...he couldn't do anything, but look at himself and laugh. He had to help me back to my workstation I had laughed so much... I guess I found humor at the right time yesterday.

Confession

Why is that what feels good is not always what is right? I found something that feels so good to me, physically at that moment, but I knew it wasn't right. I'm finding myself to be like the same people that I loathe. I loathe people that are merely doing things for the satisfaction of that second, minute, hour, or day...never thinking about what the future may bring. I do not believe that tomorrow in this system of things is promised to me, but I do not believe in putting my chances to see tomorrow in harms way. I live my life a certain way, but I know I could do better. I have fallen into spiritual death and it hurts my soul and I cry at night. I wonder how can I come back from this? How did I let myself die? How did I let my heart become hard toward the One that loved me before I knew there was a me? How did I let it get this bad? I cringe when I see His name...not because of hate, but because I know I have disappointed Him. I am ashamed of my actions, my words, my heart condition. When I go to meet with Him...I hang my head in shame. I go to the that place inside me to try to numb the hurt, but I can't. I don't even know how to communicate with Him anymore. He did nothing, but love me...and yet I found His adversary more worthy of my time and I left Him and hurt His heart. How do I apologize for such a mistake?

Learn from Others

Cher is dating a Sam off and on for quite a few years. Sam is not a good boyfriend. He pays bills, takes care of Cher financially, but as far as being faithful...he just can't seem to keep it in his pants. Sam goes out and makes babies...yes I said babies during his relationship with Cher. Cher just stands steadfast and unmovable in this shipwreck of a relationship with Sam, because in her words, "I love him!" I am a friend to her and I support her and I make a firm policy of not telling my friends to leave their significant others due to the situation could get really messy no matter what advice you give...whether to stay or to go. So, I never offered advice only a listening ear, tissues, and the spare bed....until I get fed up with the tomfoolery then I stop answering my phone, act like I'm not home, and completely remove myself from the situation. I ended up leaving Cher to her sham of a relationship because her relationship problems were working my last nerve.



The straw that broke the camels back for me to remove myself was when Sam took Cher's rent money and got her and her children kicked out of her apartment. Cher had to move in with her mother, her car broke down, and she lost her job. Sam, on the other hand, was riding around in a new car, living with one of his many baby mommas, and working. Cher was still dealing with this fool even through him getting her and her children evicted. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to leave her to her foolishness.



Cher calls me at work one day and is crying sayin that Sam has married one of his many baby mommas. I started laughing. She gets all upset at me for laughing, but I told her, "The boy has done everything, but pulled his pants down and literally taken a isht on you, and you have continued to take him back. I guess he showed you that he really really doesn't want you at all." She gets angry with me and stops talking to me.





Last week I go to see her because she was on my mind. She tells me that her and Sam have continued to see each other even though he is married. Sam left his wallet at her house and she took his ATM card and cleaned him out of every thing, but a dollar. Cher then took his wallet to his wife's job and dropped it off, along with some clothes, and other belongings he had left at her house. I asked Cher what changed to make her do that. Cher said she wasn't angry, but she had enough of the nonsense. While shes telling me this story Sam pulls up in his truck. Sam only has on some socks, boxers, and he's covered in syrup and feathers. Dude looked like a black rooster. He was yelling and screaming and carrying on something awful. Cher called the police and the police came and took him to jail. Now, he is sitting in jail full of feathers and syrup, with some socks and boxers on, broke, and his pimping ways ain't working to get on of the women that he has used to come get him. Steve McNair situation obviously didn't teach that boy nothing.

Lesson Learned: Sometimes its better to cut your losses then to continue to use people...because eventually they will teach you that doo doo does indeed stank and they will rub your nose in the doo doo.

I aint Shackin

As of today(Now that could change tomorrow if Idris Elba or Bill Gates asks me to shack...then you can forget what you are about to read because I'm going to be shacking somebody), I am totally against shacking/living with a man not because of moral fiber or strong conviction. I am against it because I don't want to have to share my food, electricity, cable, bed and other life necessities with someone that is not legally obligated to replenish what they use. I have children that are using my food, electricity, cable, free room and board and they are not legally obligated to contribute other than keeping things clean. Trying to get them to keep their spaces clean is like getting Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston to admit they were both crackheads...it just aint happening. Why in the world would I open up my home to the option that a man might not feel the need to contribute then have to go through the process of putting him and his junk out.





I will just remain sane and in the comforts of my own dwelling. He can stay in the comforts of his own dwelling as well. I have lived with squatters before and it is not the business. It is not fun. People blame alot of crazy, irrational behavior on love. Love has never owed me rent money, pissed on my toilet and not wiped it off, ate the last of the Keebler Elf cookies, spilled something in the microwave and didn't clean it up, turned every light on in the house and is standing outside, or just in general been disrespectful to me. I look at Love in a whole new light when people talk about me having to share a dwelling with someone. I look at things sensibly. If it looks like I'm going to get the short end of the stick...then I won't even pick the stick up and tease myself. What is your opinion on shacking?

Are you friggin Serious

Today's post will be random situations that made me scratch my head and ask "Are you friggin serious?"



Amy's hubby has told her that the recession has strapped them for cash and he can no longer afford to have her sitting at home. Amy says okay and begins her search for a job. According to her she had two job offers to start back working. She had a job at a clinic and a job at distributor. She chose to say "nay" to both jobs and to clean houses for 20.00/week. Yeah, a whopping 20.00/week. Her thought is that her business will build. I had to inform Amy that we are in a recession and that working families are not spending extra money on luxuries such as housekeepers. Her hubby is so mad hes bout ready to chew nails. I tell her that perhaps she should get a part time job and then do her house cleaning on the side. Amy replied that I was just a hater and trying to kill her dream and that her hubby was okay with the situation...and all I can do is look at her and say, "Are you friggin serious?"



Troy calls me on the phone and asked me out for drinks. I get all dolled up because I am a fox when I get dressed. I get to the bar. Troy is looking amazingly cute with his nice slacks, button down shirt, and Doc Martens. He has already ordered my favorite drink. We sit and we begin to talk and he seems like something is bothering him. He begins to talk about his family and how his dad and he have a very volatile and complicated relationship. I'm half @ssed listening because I'm more interested in getting all the free drinks I can before he realizes how much these drinks cost. As I'm signalling to the bartender to freshen my drink; I look up. Troy has tears running down his face. I look at my drink and check my pulse to see if I am totally zonked or if this fool is truly in tears. He starts sobbing loudly. I grab some napkins wipe his tears, sit him up, and tell him to stop making a scene. He says to the top of his booming voice, "Daddy, your gonna love me!" I down my drink and walk toward the door...turn around and look and ask, "Are you friggin serious?"



Anne is dating Larry. Larry is tall, dark, handsome, smells good, and well spoken. Larry is treating Anne like a queen. The relationship goes on for months. She finally brings Larry around our inner circle. When I met Larry, I was floored at how beautiful this man was. He didn't say much...just a few hello's nothing major. Our inner circle starts clowning around and Larry begins to laugh and his false teeth fly out of his mouth and land on the floor next to the coffee table. Anne looks at me and begs me not to say anything...and all I can do is look at her and say, "Are you serious? You want me to pass on a joke like this?".....

Single Mother

I find joy and hope in the fact that I am a single mother. I try to take very good care of my children ...I give my all to my kids. I have a career and I make time to get to know my children and to be with them despite my work load. I love my kids. My kids remind me of what innocence looks like.



The last few weeks have been the most trying of times in my single motherhood. The "friend" that was keeping my son gave me notice that she could no longer keep my son to pursue other goals. Childcare is so expensive, but I had to enroll my son into daycare. His daycare does not open til 6:30am, but I have to be at work at 6:00am. I didn't see the problem because I have brought my child to work with me before with no problems. However, today someone saw me w/ my child and decided that they needed to hold an entire meeting on my childcare issues w/o me being in attendance. I felt very violated. These people in this company have no problem calling me in the middle of the night when they need an inspection done...I was a single mother then and I had to bring my children to work with me. These people have no problem with my coworker that brings his child to work with him everyday...but only with me and my child...and only today. These people had no problem hiring me after I told them that I was a single mother of two children and my nearest relatives are two hours away...no problem then, but today...they had a problem with it.



It amazes me at how these stuffed shirts forget where they come from. Some of these people have either came from a single parent home, or have sisters/brothers that are currently the head of a household and a lone parent, but yet they find no sympathy for those of us that are doing it everyday because it may somehow mess with their productivity. My life is not easy and yes it was one that I chose. Would I rather have a man that would help me raise my children? Yes, but that didn't happen so now I am dealing with it as best as I can. I don't need people to remind me of how tough my situation is or how bad my situation is. I am living my situation. I am breathing my situation. I don't need advice as to how to get by with my children ... Ive learned every trick of the trade. The most that I need is help and understanding when it comes to my children and raising them. Help, understanding, and human compassion is the most that anyone needs in such situations. Being a single mother is the single most great task that I have ever taken on and it will come with a great reward. I love my children and the fact that I have been chosen to raise my children. That being said...Single mothers listen to your advice only to be civil, but what we really want to say is Shut up and Saddown because you couldn't live our lives if you got paid to do it.

Boogie Boarding

I have this friend...um, let's call her Itaintme. Itaintme used to love the water when we were growing up. She would spend most of her days and half the evenings at the beach in Virginia. The waters were so crystal blue, salty, and full of adventure. She was intrigued by the scantily dressed people with buff bodies, seemingly perfectly toned skin, and perfect hair.

Well, one day Itaintme gets invited to go boogie boarding with some classmates. She dresses in this little bitty colorful bathing suit. The suit was really form fitting...tight on the buttocks and chest areas. The girl was too fly....she even had the matching shower shoes. You couldn't tell her nothin. If you told Itaintme she wasn't fine you would have had to beat that chick down.

She was strutting to the beach...boogie board in hand. She gets out on the water and catches her first wave. She stands up and she is pleasantly surprised at how good she is with her balance. She decides to graduate on to surfing. She asks her friend for his surfboard...he tried to convince her that she wasn't ready to surf, but she insisted. He gives in and lets Itaintme have his surfboard. She wades out and catches her first wave....wooooo she's doing a fantastic job. The wave crashes on her and she goes down, but not hard. Itaintme resurfaces with a look of discontent on her face. She can barely swim to shore. She is screaming and yelling ... in pain. Her friends check her body, but they don't see anything that could be hurting her. Finally, she is able to get a word out and tell them that whatever it is in her bathing suit. They look and in the crack of her butt there is a jelly fish lodged and it is stinging the crap out of her...literally. Her classmates undress her to see exactly how many stingers are lodged in her butt. She is bottomless and full of isht on the beach in front of errbody and the beach is full. She is in so much pain she could care less. Her friend had to remove the jelly fish and apply chewing tobacco to the crack of her butt to relieve the sting. Itaintme had to ride face down in the bed of the truck to the hospital because it hurt too bad to sit. She was given some meds at the hospital and released. She has a tiny physical scar on her butt to remind her of the incident, but the pain of being naked with a jelly fish lodged in her crack and being in need of a diaper will never leave.

Moral to the story... no matter how tight/fitted your outfit may be there is always room for jelly.

Fathers Day

I didn't really realize how much emphasis that people put on these holidays until today. I saw a Father today that was in a total state of depression because his children didn't bother to call him. He is a good father, does homework, keeps his weekly visitation schedule, in attendance for all school functions, plays, and any other celebrated situation that involves his little ones. I felt sorry for him, but then again .... ya know me?...my pity only goes so far. He said you would think that my ex would make sure that my children purchased something or at least called. I replied that in a perfect world you all wouldn't be divorced and she would be feeding you breakfast in bed, giving you more sex than Hugh Hefner gets on Tuesdays, and the birds would sing every time they heard your voice....but alas this world is imperfect and you are divorced, not the primary care taker of your children, celibate not by choice, and the only birds you hear sing are the vultures that are eating the road kill on the interstate... deal with it. He then replied that it was easy for me to say because when Mother's Day comes around I rack up on the gifts. That statement got me to thinking...





I don't celebrate holidays. I am very thankful for everyday that I am blessed to see my children live, breathe, grow, and smile. I don't put much emphasis on days that are of no significance of personal growth....just my preference. However, if I did put emphasis on these days ... I would be a depressed, suicidal, bitter, bipolar maniac with a compulsive slapping complex. Last Mother's Day I got butt kiss from my ex....nuthin nada, not even a call, no hallmark card, not even a conversation of appreciation, no smoke signals...nothin. My kids got up that morning and like always came and got in the bed with me and kissed and hugged me and asked me what time was I gonna be fixing breakfast. The person that did buy me something isn't the father to my children, he's not related to me...he's my boyfriend...which he didn't and still doesn't have to get me anything to celebrate that day. I am not his mother, I have not bore this man any children, but yet the feelings we have for each other moved him to give me something on that day. I was very shocked, humbled, and appreciative of his gesture.




I have learned to expect nothing and that way I'm not disappointed when I don't receive anything.I told my friend that if he expects nothing and he gets a gift wrapped box full of nothing then he is ahead of the game. We should find our happiness in the days that our family rejoices with us for no reason. Like the days when you all just so happen to meet over one relatives house and you start cooking and eating and talking bout old times....those are the moments to treasure. The times when our children come and hug and kiss us for no good reason other than they truly want to love and show us some affection....not the moments that are marked on a calendar to honor you on one day for a job that you do everyday.

Outside Looking In

I was on the phone with a friend. A friend from a long time ago. He was giving me the run down of his ran down life. He was talking sad and feeling low about the trials and tribulations that his decision making process had brought him. I really recognize the sadness in him; I have lived the sadness that he speaks about. The partner that he chose to die with has turned into somewhat of an enemy. The children that were bore to the marriage are horrors, unruly, and undisciplined. He feels tired beyond belief, unappreciated, kicked in the balls, and beat down.



His wife is undisciplined, loud, tell all, and unrelenting. She doesn't care about his feelings only about the outward appearance. She is well educated...the lady walks around with three degrees from credible institutions, but she chooses to be an at home mom. She is gorgeous to the eye. She can hold her own in any conversation, ... You can take her to a Pink Floyd concert and she would get along with the people just as well as if you took her to a White House dinner. She is very articulate, intelligent. She is an only child...never been taught to share. Now, I have met some only children and they are the most giving people on Earth, but this woman is extremely selfish. The world is hers, the other people are only here for her entertainment. She is smarter than anyone she knows or associates with ...and therefore you are privileged just to be able to see the snot in her nose as she walks around with her nose very high in the sky. She doesn't know when to keep her trap shut. She tells everyone how the sex is with her husband, how he didn't pay the bills, and how he snores at night and keeps her up. She belittles her husband in private as well as in public. She keeps and immaculate house. You could eat off the floor. She is an excellent cook and homemaker. She has some really nice attributes.



The children...now you all know how I feel about bad @ss children. I can't stand children that are unruly. These boys are very intelligent little people, but are extremely disrespectful. They will cry and scream when they don't get their way. These kids are not toddlers either they are between the ages of 8 and 11. None of the children like them in the neighborhood. They will pick on the neighborhood kids until the neighborhood kids gang up and beat that @ss....then they go and cry to Mommy Dearest and here she comes to uphold her chirrens in the nonsense. The boys are spoiled selfish little brats that should be kept in cages in preparation for the real thing...because sad to say but at the rate they are going they are going to prison. The father tries to correct them and then the wife steps in and gives him the "Don't you be punishing my kids...I do that ...you back off..." type bullisht.



My friends is a hardworking, educated, easy going type guy. He is not innocent in this situation, by no means. He is emotionally unavailable, quick to give up, and his back bone has never been with him. I told him that his dignity had called on the phone and wanted to know when it could come home...his dignity also said that he had recently went to the funeral for his Pride, and Self Worth...and he(dignity) didn't want to go out like a sucker.





I hope that his family pulls it together...I have seen this type of stress and strain so many times. I had the same type of stress and pain in my former relationship. I didn't advise him to leave his wife, I didn't advise her to leave her husband...that's not my place. I just told them from my perspective it just looked like two people whose love had gotten lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life...just my opinion from the outside looking in.

Censored

Today I was censored for the first time in my life. My comments were called gross and obscene. I have really tried to give the Disney Channel version of my life, but obviously I am still not doing a very good job of self censoring. This post will be dedicated to things that bother me and it is gonna be a no holds barred way of me saying why it bothers me ...so if you are looking for politically correct, princess cut blogging ...i suggest you look away. I am in no way writing this to aim at any one person to hurt any one's feelings, but if it hurts your feelings maybe its time to check yourself....laugh w/ me people.

1. One of my myspace friends had on his page that women tend to be more careful picking shoes than they do when they chose a man. This statement bothers me in so many ways...
We have to be more careful...do you know how many pairs of shoes there are in the market...the sandals alone are plentiful? Women outnumber men by an outrageous number. It doesn't take that long to pick through men as it does through shoes. Do you know how many friggin colors of maxi dresses, sun dresses, flower dresses, and capris that are on the market that have to match the color and style of shoe? Men are not a necessity...they are a want and most of us have learned to live without them. We have to be choosy ...when it comes to our shoes. Shoes will last a lifetime and we are happy to see them come out of the closet if you know what I mean. Shoes can stay in the closet for years and still come out straight...men just can't do that..

2. People that stink
A perfectly healthy person should not be walking around w/ an odor. Soap and water are the only things that have stayed relatively low in price in this recession. You can get the little bottles of soap in a gas station bathroom if push comes to shove. I hate when people have to invade your space with their nasty stinking of fish and hot garbage. It is unnecessary in this day and age to want to walk around smelling like your @ss has been on fire.

3. Bad @ss kids
Bad children absolutely bother the h3ll out of me. It is not so much the child that gets on my nerves it is these punk @ss parents that let their chirren run all over the place and tell them what they are and are not going to do....wth? In my day there was no such thing. If a grown up....didn't even have to be your parent told you to jump...you proceeded to comply and you let them guide you to the correct height of the jump. I will not live in my house when I'm afraid to say anything to my children because they might beat my @ss. It aint no muthasucking way... I will feed and water a seed that will come up to be a weed...h3ll nah. I'm looking for some roses, tulips, carnations...not no dayum rag weed and crab grass. If I can't be top dog at my house, I will kill all the puppies and be the only dog...

4. People that snitch for no good reason
Now I' m not talking bout people that witness a violent crime and they tell what they saw so that the criminal can be taken off the streets. I'm talking bout these Tammy-Tell-It-Alls that see you go to the bathroom and it isn't quite break time. I hate these people. If you have time to see wtf I'm doing during my mahsuckin work day then when do you do your freaking job? Get a life and stop watchin what I do all mahsuckin day...ugh

5. Crackheads w/ no sense of pride
I remember back in the early 80's crackheads would mow lawns, wash cars, take out garbage, and generally have a nice hustle to earn money for their fix. Now, the sorry bastids are walking round stealing my antenna off of my car just to have a pipe to smoke their isht. It sickens me. I can't ride through the hood and visit my homies because I'm scared that a crackhead is gonna bust my windows to steal my radio. If you have enough energy to bust out my window...don't you have enough energy to push a lawn mower around some body's yard...i mean dayum dude...get some self respect.


I'm pretty sure that this list will get longer... but for right now this is all the time I have to write....and trust me I censored myself alot...b/c there were alot more things that I wanted to put down...but I just don't want to shock and appall the freaking moral police.

What did I learn

This post may get updates to it because I pride myself in being a liver of life and a learner of tomfoolery....so for those of you that follow my blog, I will try to update you when I update it. My mind never stops working so I never feel well rested when I awake from my sleep. I am constantly thinking about the foolishness, funny, or down right outrageous things that happen to me throughout my day. It amazes me how some people act, react, and process "problems", "situations" and "cow dung."



A few days ago I get a text from a guy that I work with. He is telling me how sessy I look today....blah blah blah, but before I get into that lemme give yall a lil background information about this creature. Let's call this creature IDK. The background information will explain the name. I met IDK when I started this job a few years ago. IDK was recently divorced, single father of three children. IDK is tall somewhat handsome...and by somewhat handsome I mean the panties dont get wet when I see him...but he isn't a gargoyle either. IDK is seemingly shy and looks like hes been taking thru the ringer a few times by some trifling women, but hey that's the dating/love game. IDK asks me for my number one day and we begin to text and have friendly conversation. I guess he thought because he never sees me with anyone that I'm lonely, desperate, and will settle for any ole thing...he will soon be schooled on the ways and life of Suga C.



We text for a while. He never asks me out, but he always would send a text good morning, good night, how was your day...that type of garbage. One or two weeks go by and I don't receive any texts from him at all. I don't see him at work, but he is working. He finally sends me an email telling me that the reason that he has been standoffish is because people were talking about our relationship in the office and he wants his "business" to be private and not in the streets. I asked him the specifics of what was said, which he couldn't give any specifics, but he was very adamant about his "business" being private. I told him that I had not spoken of the friendship that was growing between the two of us because I too value my privacy, however I didn't really give two shakes of a wet ducks @ss about office gossip because I know who, what, when, and how I spend my time and my day. I also let him know that he should maybe go on about his way and get his thoughts together before getting with a woman such as myself because I'm grown and I do grown up isht ...I'm over hiding and creeping. That was the end of our texting romance...til this week. The Negro doesn't believe that fat meat is greasy. Of course I am up to the task of letting him know what the deal is. He sends me a text letting me know how cute I look. I told him that yes my puff did come out exceptionally wonderful this morning. He goes on to tell me that his weekend was boring and he needed some company, but I was unavailable. I tell him that it would've been nice to go out with him if he had balls to asks me and to not worry about what people would say if they saw him out with me, but being that his balls are the size of a gnats he should just continue to be lonely til he is able to buy/make him some testosterone and grow up and man up and be with a real woman. The conversation went from friendly to as a matter of fact in .1 seconds between he and I. He was stunned and shocked that I had took it there, but I have wasted enough of my thumb muscles texting him on this isht...I'm over it and so should he. Thanks to my egirls Poitree and Aunapp... I've been able to recognize gold plated isht from a mile away. I see him this morning I smile and give a friendly, "Hello" He wouldn't even say hello back he wouldn't even wave or acknowledge me. I guess I hurt his feelings...meh...ion curr...he should've kicked rocks the first time I told him to leave me alone. I hope he learned his lesson......



Lesson learned: IDK is a wanna be man. He wants to have fun with a woman and play without actually having to be a man or be in a relationship. He plays the nice guy role when in reality he is a big ole jerk. Oh, I also learned that the truth hurts, but dayum it's funny to see the face of the dude when you let him down with his own words.

Eww Theres a Mouse in My Closet

So, I get up early one morning feeling rather spry. I get up out of bed take a shower and relax a lil before I have to wake my children. I wake my daughter up first because this child takes entirely too long to do the minimum such as putting on a shirt, pants, socks, and shoes. I promise I have seen countries change governments in the time that it takes this child to get dressed in the mornings....but back to the story. I'm in the bathroom when my son and my daughter walk in and they say "Mommy, its sum'n in your closet making noise!" I asked them "What were yall doing in my closet? What kind of noise?" My daughter tells me that she was looking for some shoes when she heard the noise. I leave the restroom to go see what they are talking bout. The first thing that comes to my mind is that I have a mouse in my closet...gross!!!! Being a single mother I am not afforded the luxury of being afraid and timid of things I have to "man" up and fight whatever it is to protect me and my youngins. I walk to my closet and I hear this rustling sound...I'm instantly grossed out. I'm terribly afraid of mice. My children are so afraid, but they are standing on my bed and leaning on my back. I hurry up and close the door to my closet and call the maintenance man. He comes and goes into my closet to get the mouse...and calls me to the room. I go in my room and my children are following me (because they have inherited a nosey gene that has been passed on from generation to generation). I told the maintenance man that I am deathly afraid of mice and to please don't show me anything crazy. Hes laughing and said I didn't find a mouse...but I did find sum'n that was making noise. He said come here by yourself. I tell my children to have a seat in the living room. I slowly walk down the hall, I'm biting my fingernails, and sweating because I am so nervous that maybe he has found a snake or sum'n else. I walk into the room and the look on the maintenance man's face is priceless. He is smirking and he is Creole so he is blood shot red. He stands to the side and on my bed he has my special "box" sitting. It is making this humming sound. I immediately grabbed the box and screamed so loud of embarrassment. The maintanence man fell to the floor grabbing his stomach in laughter. I could have fallen thru the floor. I had put my mechanical man away and forgot to turn it off. It was vibrating and twisting up a storm in the closet. I've never been so embarrassed in all my life....well I have, but not since I've been in my late 20's. I didn't know what to do...so I did the only thing that I knew how... I turned it off... put it back in the back of the closet. Collected the maintenance man and put him out of my apartment and told him that if he told anybody about what happened that I would tell them that I caught him in my closet using my mechanical man. I learned my lesson ... I never call a man no matter what is going on in my closet...i just handle it myself.

Introduction

Suga is the name. Ive been called this because I am soooo sweet. I come from a small town, but a huge family. Most of my views and ideals come from being raised by elderly people. So, if you read something that I write and it sounds a lil ole fashion...you know where it comes from. I only started this blog at the recommendation of some of my internet and irl friends. They encouraged me to write because some say that I have a way w/ words and my rhetoric is soo funny. I just calls it like i see it. Sometimes I'm too blunt and sometimes I try to politically correct, but most of the time I'm just Suga.



I am a single mother of two wonderful children. I have no pets because there is a recession and if I wanted to feed sum'n needy I would go to the local corner and feed a crack head instead...heck at least I could get a car wash if I fed him... if you feed a pet all you get a pile of ripe crap to clean up. My daughter is my motivation and my son is my is my joy. My daughter has a very old soul and she gives me ground. When I start "smelling" myself my daughter always lets me know that my doo doo does indeed have a foul odor. My son is there to pick me up when I'm down. He's such a comedian. I think he gets that from me, but Im not sure.



I have a brother and sister that I grew up with. I have several wonderful friends and family that I've met on my journey in this life. I will be writing about these people mostly because they provide so much comic relief. I hope that you enjoy my outlook and find a lil humor in the things that I write...please feel free to comment. Thanks for taking time to read my blog.