The Me That I Used To Be

*I had this poem on my heart yesterday I hope y'all enjoy it*

I miss the me that I used to be
The me that loved free and carelessly
The me that was bitter and hurt free
The me that now I wished that I could be

But the me that I am comes from bruises and misuse
The hurt that I feel comes from years of abuse
Although I thought I healed the bruise
The truth was I drowned it in sexual booze

I left the beautiful me that I was and turned into a bitter old bug
Not allowing anyone to comfort and hug
I hit all with fake smiles
Cleaning up my tears with hurt stained towels

I sure do love to hate to live this way
but I do things to assure that in this emotional state I will stay
I shake and shiver and cry him a river
I get him to feel sorry for me when the truth is
that my misery is loving his company

This poem was inspired by a man
One who convinced me to love him and
He turned out to be bitter and cold
Only wanting to hurt me and not love me til I'm old

Misery loves company yes indeed
Be sure and guard your heart and take heed
That he'll come to you with the stars and the moon
just be sure to check the promises not later but soon
Because you could get your heart broken and
Be used only for a bitter token

I miss the me that I used to be
The me that loved free and carelessly
The me that was bitter and hurt free
The me that now I wished I could be



Thanks

Suga

Idk what to title this

Really in this last year or two I have had to grow up a considerable amount. I have had to take the rose colored glasses off and start drinking from the adult fountain because living in a fantasy world wasn't working for me. I do continue to dream big where everything in my life is concerned. I teach my children to dream as big as possible. I try to follow (for the most part) what I teach my children.

My dreams was that I would meet him. He would fill my life with the love that I perceived that I didn't receive growing up. We would live happily ever after. What a let down it was when I found out that people are just people. Not saying that my heart is hard, but now I have no expectations of some man riding in on a black stallion (I'm personally tired of the white horse analogy) and swooping me off of my over worked feet and loving me like Mandingo. Dating has gotten alot easier for me since I stopped with such ridiculous fairytale expectations. Not saying that my expectations are as low as "Long as the ninja aint picking his nose and wiping the results on his shirt", but to realistic expectations. Truthfully I am not going to be any body's stepford wife. I am not going to swoop in and cook, clean, workout everyday for hours to keep in shape, and sex my man's every night until his brain oozes out of his ear. What I will do is love him for who he is if he is what I need him to be when I get to know who he is. (I hope that sentence makes sense.) Too many people try to find a lump of clay and mold it to what they need or want it to be. For some that idea may work, but for others that project will be doomed from the start. People only change when and if they see that it is necessary to change. They don't change because you nag them or because they went to prison. People change when they come to a conscious decision that the consequences to the decisions that are being made are no longer sufficient to obtain the type results they are looking for. I don't want to be with anyone that initially tries to change me into what in their mind thinks is better. I want someone that will love me so sweet that it motivates me to be the person that I know I can be and that I always wanted to be, but never had the courage to be.

Sometimes loving someone for who they are and letting them spread their wings and soar is the best gift that you can give. Even if who they are isn't what you want in a mate, you still have given the gift of freedom to be who they are. You can not change people that you love. Your love can motivate change.