WWIV

I met WWIV on an accident. I was thinking about growing my hair back to its natural state when I saw him. He was tall, dark, beautiful smile, with a head full of long flowing healthy locs. I met him at a time in my life where I was pretty much over the male species. Men could only provide me with one thing and one thing only ...directions to the nearest Adult Superstore. I had to say something to him about his hair. His hair was absolutely beautiful. So, I asked him about his hair. How long had he been growing his hair, was it a difficult transition, and who started and did the upkeep of his locs. He was extremely friendly in his responses. Attractive as WWIV was to me I continued on my thought process of him being just a man....and me not being ready to date. We exchanged phone numbers and during months of conversation we discussed natural hair care, life, children, parenting, clouds, ants, pillows, colors, meaningless banter, success, giving, receiving, blessings, curses, childhood, dreams, aspirations, old relationships, and finally love.

One night I was in the bed when my phone rang with the Computer Love ring tone. WWIV had is on ring tone by this time even though I publicly didn't like him in that way. I answered the phone...WWIV let me know that he was just a few miles away from my house and would like to see me. I made arrangements for my friend to come watch my kids and took off to see him. I get to the parking lot and he's standing there so tall, so beautiful, just like the first time I saw him. I park my car. He opens my door, pulls me out of the car, and gives me a big hug. I am shocked, but it feels good. His arms are strong and they hold me just right. It was like his shoulders were custom made for my head. I lay my head on his shoulder. He begins to speak, his breath so sweet, his voice so deep, my body is so hot.

We sit and talk. He confesses that hes into me. I would've played like I really wasn't into him, but I really couldn't. I was standing in a parking lot at midnight on a weekday with my house shoes, a silk scarf, a t-shirt, and some jogging pants on. I couldn't deny the attraction that I felt to him. I tried, but he was just too much of a real brother to let my insecurities, past relationships, and broken heart get in the way of this friendship that had blossomed into much more. He gave me my "okay" back that night. All before that night I was angry, bitter, jaded, frustrated and upset with men, but he gave me the strength back to be "okay". I will love him always for this. I don't know how this relationship will end, but I know that the beginning gave me more and taught me more than any other relationship I've ever been involved in.

I told him that he gave me the strength to be "okay." He said that I always had the strength and that he never knew that I was angry or bitter with men...he only knew that I was the sweetest woman that he had ever met and that I had given him his reason to be "okay." He said that before me the women were rude, needy, and down right disrespectful. He had never met a woman that just let him be who he was without wanting something materially in return.

I just think that we were both brought together at the right place at the right time. I love him for who he is and for who he wants to be. He supports me in my foolishness...He makes it okay to laughs at my mistakes. He makes me feel like its okay to be me. He accepts me ... He doesn't love me different, but he loves me right. I will end this in saying he and I are not perfect, we do have disagreements, but we both know what we want and how good it is.


Suga C

Taking Responsibility

I just want to write what's on my heart. I have some things on my heart that I need to get out so that I can purge my system of negativity. I thought that I said my final goodbye to the nasty behavior between you and me when I signed on the dotted line on the divorce papers. I found the attorney, paid for the divorce, tracking fees, and the court costs, but you still find ways to hurt me. I thought that this would help me in dealing with all of the animosity, piss, vinegar, and bad blood feelings about what you had done and continued to do. I have gone to countless counselors to work on me and my dealings with you because whether I like it or not we are going to be tied together for the rest of our lives. I don't want to paint myself as a saint because by no means was I a saint. I was weak and determined to make my marriage lasts because in my mind I thought that love began and ended with my relationship with you. I waited for you to recognize that I was what you wanted. I recognize now that waiting for you to get your stuff together was the biggest mistake of my life. I ruined countless opportunities in order for our marriage to work. I didn't take countless jobs, I worked meaningless jobs just to make money so that our family would stay intact, I changed the way that I used to be to be the woman that you wanted me to be, but nothing I did was ever enough. It took me leaving and getting a peace of mind to recognize that mutilating my inner being didn't help either one of us. The time alone also gave me time to recognize who I truly am. I wasn't a good wife to you because I wasn't a good person to myself. I tried to blame you for all of the problems, but I was a problem as well. I don't blame myself for everything, but I am taking responsibility for the things that happened that I know didn't help, but only harmed me and the marriage. I do, however, admit that if I hadn't changed me; the marriage would've died much sooner. I have let go of these feelings, but now there are some new ones.

Since, I've openly expressed that I have no problem with you having a relationship with our daughter; you have done nothing but abuse that relationship. It seems as if you are using our child to get back at me. You show up when you want to, with some rinky dink crap for her to hold on to then just as quickly as you come you leave. I used to make excuses to her, but now she has some age and understanding; she's not accepting the excuses anymore. She's becoming angry with you. She has told you this, but you think that it is me that is telling her those things. Our child is old enough and smart enough to know lies when she hears them. You haven't come through on one promise that you have made to her.

I have accepted blame for the things that I did to hurt our marriage, but your damaged relationship with our daughter I will not be held responsible for. I am confused about a lot of things, but this one is on you and you alone. I have forgiven you and am moving forward with my life. I wish you the best in all that you do.