Confession

Why is that what feels good is not always what is right? I found something that feels so good to me, physically at that moment, but I knew it wasn't right. I'm finding myself to be like the same people that I loathe. I loathe people that are merely doing things for the satisfaction of that second, minute, hour, or day...never thinking about what the future may bring. I do not believe that tomorrow in this system of things is promised to me, but I do not believe in putting my chances to see tomorrow in harms way. I live my life a certain way, but I know I could do better. I have fallen into spiritual death and it hurts my soul and I cry at night. I wonder how can I come back from this? How did I let myself die? How did I let my heart become hard toward the One that loved me before I knew there was a me? How did I let it get this bad? I cringe when I see His name...not because of hate, but because I know I have disappointed Him. I am ashamed of my actions, my words, my heart condition. When I go to meet with Him...I hang my head in shame. I go to the that place inside me to try to numb the hurt, but I can't. I don't even know how to communicate with Him anymore. He did nothing, but love me...and yet I found His adversary more worthy of my time and I left Him and hurt His heart. How do I apologize for such a mistake?