As of today(Now that could change tomorrow if Idris Elba or Bill Gates asks me to shack...then you can forget what you are about to read because I'm going to be shacking somebody), I am totally against shacking/living with a man not because of moral fiber or strong conviction. I am against it because I don't want to have to share my food, electricity, cable, bed and other life necessities with someone that is not legally obligated to replenish what they use. I have children that are using my food, electricity, cable, free room and board and they are not legally obligated to contribute other than keeping things clean. Trying to get them to keep their spaces clean is like getting Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston to admit they were both crackheads...it just aint happening. Why in the world would I open up my home to the option that a man might not feel the need to contribute then have to go through the process of putting him and his junk out.
I will just remain sane and in the comforts of my own dwelling. He can stay in the comforts of his own dwelling as well. I have lived with squatters before and it is not the business. It is not fun. People blame alot of crazy, irrational behavior on love. Love has never owed me rent money, pissed on my toilet and not wiped it off, ate the last of the Keebler Elf cookies, spilled something in the microwave and didn't clean it up, turned every light on in the house and is standing outside, or just in general been disrespectful to me. I look at Love in a whole new light when people talk about me having to share a dwelling with someone. I look at things sensibly. If it looks like I'm going to get the short end of the stick...then I won't even pick the stick up and tease myself. What is your opinion on shacking?
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I wouldn't do it. The statistics on cohabitation are not favorable. I remember reading an article a while ago that 85% of those who shack never get married. Of course, every woman believes she will be in the 15% who do, but the reality is that's a whole lotta women left out in the cold.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who has lived with his girlfriend/fiance for 10 years now. He told me back in year 3 that he'd never, EVER marry her despite the fact that they have 2 children together, a house, and she wears his engagement ring. I cannot imagine how she feels when curious folk constantly ask her when's the wedding. Luckily, she has finally realized it ain't gonna happen, so she got herself a job and she's planning to move out. Financially, she got the short end of the stick. She didn't contribute, so the house is in his name, she gets no spousal support (even though she stayed home and took care of their children), as a house playwife, no money went towards her social security, and she isn't entitled to any benefits that would've been granted her as his wife for that length of time, i.e. insurance, pension, etc. She has basically wasted years she could've spent finding a man who's willing to marry her. Instead, she has to start from scratch by going from a nice house he supplied, to an apt on some piddly job, as she did not keep up her skills while they were was playing house & now she's looking with a 10 year lapse in work history. It doesn't help that she's over 45, either.
What HE got out of the deal was someone to look after his children full-time, sex, a kept house, clean laundry, & cooked meals. He was frequently on the road, so he had his freedom to do 'whatever' and now that's she's on her way out, he's happy as a lark. He's just so excited, ya'll. The killer is soon he'll meet someone he does want to marry just like that, as he IS the marrying kind. He just didn't wanna marry her.
Stats on shacking: http://marriage.about.com/od/cohabitation/qt/cohabfacts.htm
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5025b_qa.html
(Sorry for the blog post. *sheepish*)
See shacking up is the worst business deal ever... can't have it. Po, her... My biological father lived w/ my step mom for 11 years and he finally married her, but it took a death in the family for him to do it....now they are just as unhappy or even more unhappy then they were before they married. Life is too short to be waiting on someone to figure out if they love you enough to marry you....nah plus excuse this but my loving is too good for me not to have a commitment...can't be shacking up all willy nilly
ReplyDeleteShacking is for the commitment phobic in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteIf they are good enough to live with, they should be good enough to marry.
We as women need to stop rationalizing accepting less than what we are worth.