Eating out

With the holidays upon us and people celebrating the holidays with food, drink and family, I thought it would be appropriate for me to write my feelings down about eating out. I love to eat out at restaurants and bars, but I hate eating at peoples homes. I know this sounds backwards because technically I really don't know what is going on in that restaurant kitchen. I think that is why I am so comfortable with eating in a restaurant. I don't want to know that the chef may have dug in his nose, scratched his balls, or farted while he was preparing my meal. I would like to be ignorant and believe that the chef takes pride in his work and would like me to come back and break bread with him again.

Going to peoples house to eat is like playing Russian roulette. People are so friggin gross sometimes. They cook these concoctions and expect you to eat this runny mac and cheese, hard roast beef, and over sweetened kool-aid with a smile. I don't know if I'm eating H1N1, salmonella, ecoli, or something that is just plain old gross in flavor. If you can't properly prepare food without cross contamination; stay your hind parts out of the kitchen. Stop going in there pretending that you are Martha Stewart when you know you are the Freddy Cruger of the culinary world. Cooking and killing folk is not the way to celebrate these paid days off. I could actually be eating my last meal if I get some of those nasty bacteria on my plate. I have no desire to eat and die. I absolutely do not like when I go to peoples house and they invite me to eat and their house is filthy. No thank you I will pass on the food poisoning that you are cooking up and through here. I would thank the host very much not to put their homemade slop on my plate and act like its been prepared with love.

I will be visiting to share my laugh and my conversation with people during these paid vacation days, but I will not be sharing food. Please do not get offended if I visit your house and I choose not partake in the foods being served. I don't mean to offend, but my stomach and my tongue appreciates bacteria free foods. I don't know if my health insurance covers out of state stomach pumping and antibiotics. I wish you all the best in sharing your days with your family, but be careful where you eat....because it could be your last meal.

Love yall

Suga C