I was having a conversation with a very near and dear close personal friend. He was giving me his take on being a "whore." I have not and will never pretend to be as pure as the driven snow because honestly I have had a few snow plow drivers. So, I tend not to judge women or men by the number of partners that they have had a sexual relationship. To me a "whore" is a combination of factors. 1. The number of men/women one has had sex with. 2. The frequency in which this person changes partners 3. The "Whore-atude" (combination of whore +attitude= whore-atude). What is whore-atude? Whore-atude is the attitude of not giving a care in the world about how the changing of these different partners is affecting their bodies or minds. It is the skimpy clothes wearing women...that it really doesnt matter what the human is, but if it has a pulse they are sleeping with it. It is the man that has never met a chick that he actually turned down the sex.
So, my question to my close personal friend was how many partners are we considering is too many to be with? He said that he estimates more than three men in a years time. So, his conclusion was if a woman sleeps with more than three men in a years time that qualifies her as a citizen of Whoredom. I disputed that fact. Even using the three month rule with every relationship a woman still could have a three sexual partners in a years time (pushing it I know, but still I had to challenge him). I asked him how many women would a man have to sleep with in order to be given his citizenship papers to Whoredom and he said that it really depends on the type of women that the man sleeps with rather than the amount. I agreed with this, but I agree with that for both men and women.
I try not to judge like I said earlier, because Suga is sweet and I've had ample to sample, but that didn't make me a whore it made me a slut and misguided. I do agree that when folk fall into a certain lifestyle that yes they can be considered "whores",but a few unwise sexual decisions doesn't automatically make people be whores. I think most (not all) people have been a tax paying citizen of Whoredom. The double standard for what a whore is still remains in this society...so sad because in this recession protected sex is the one free thing that you can do that's fun.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Certain things
There are certain things that there is not any nice way to say to a person. There are nice ways of telling someone that they have something in their nose, they have toilet paper on their shoe, or breath may not be so fresh, but there is no real nice way to tell someone that their parent may be a crackhead, or that their daughter is a slut, or that their boyfriend is a bum.
I have encountered several of these situations in the last few weeks and as blunt as I am with telling things like it is...I find it hard to hurt peoples feelings when deep truths are concerned. I have a friend and her mother is married to a crack abuser. The man stays gone for days when he gets money and he has admitted to having a problem and this was before she married the man. Her mom is and has been well aware of the problem for quite some time before the marriage even took place, but her mom chose to move forward with the marriage. She is totally upset that her mother continues in this relationship with a known drug abuser. So, how do I tell this chick without hurting her feelings that I do believe that her momma is sucking on the crack pipe as well. Do I say, "Your momma is Ms. Tyrone Biggums." How do I say this without coming off as trying to be crass other than saying, "Your momma is making some crackhead decisions." or "Your momma is practicing crackhead logic." or "Is being a crackhead contagious because your mom is showing symptoms of crackhead-itis?" The subject is so tough and touchy.
I know this older man and he has a teenage daughter and this child is out of control. He thinks that shes a princess, but in reality the child is a hooker....well I take that back hookers get paid she's just giving it away for free. The girl has no standards all a man has to have is a pulse and some lips and she's staking claim and giving up the yanni. She has had sex with her dad's best friend, some family friends, some coworkers, and few stray men here and there and the child is only seventeen. The dad is out fighting and getting into trouble trying to protect something that has been auctioned to the highest bidder many moons ago. I told him that new yanni is like money to men... If you sit a new yanni in front of a man he's going to snatch it up just like money. The man is not going to ask about any birthdays or the legality of the yanni just like he wouldn't ask about if the money is legal. They just take it and run....so goes her innocence. I told him not to let his sanity leave with her innocence. It is totally obvious that his child is a slut. I know that it was harsh, but the man is about to lose everything trying to go to court to get lawyers to sue. He was upset and talking to me about it, so I have the cruel harsh reality to him as easy as I could make it.
The bum boyfriend is a bit easier for me to just say because I have no feelings for losers. My friend is in a relationship with a bum and I wish she would just wake up and let it go, but she hasn't. I listened to her cry about her problems with him and at first I would offer advice then that seemed not to work. I started just listening and only offering support and a listening ear, but no advice. After a few months of this same episode; my nerves were stretched to the maximum limit. I finally had to tell her that she was dealing with a bum. I told her that unless she wanted better for herself there was nothing that complaining to me was going to do about changing the situation. She has to have the resolve within herself to see that this fool ain't worth the salt in his bread. Well I solved two problems with my rant. I opened her eyes up to the complaining attitude that wasn't changing anything...and I freed up some of my daytime minutes on my cell phone because she stopped calling so often.
How do you say things without hurting feelings? Sometimes there is no way to say these things without hurting the ones you love. The truth does indeed hurt, but should be told to give clarity to the stupid situations that we put ourselves in and continue to put up with. I hope that I have friends that will tell me the truth. I might get a little huffy, but I know its out of love. Maybe that truth will give us a chance to bond even closer because I will appreciate the fact that you loved me enough to tell me the whole truth and nothing, but the truth.
Thanks
Suga
I have encountered several of these situations in the last few weeks and as blunt as I am with telling things like it is...I find it hard to hurt peoples feelings when deep truths are concerned. I have a friend and her mother is married to a crack abuser. The man stays gone for days when he gets money and he has admitted to having a problem and this was before she married the man. Her mom is and has been well aware of the problem for quite some time before the marriage even took place, but her mom chose to move forward with the marriage. She is totally upset that her mother continues in this relationship with a known drug abuser. So, how do I tell this chick without hurting her feelings that I do believe that her momma is sucking on the crack pipe as well. Do I say, "Your momma is Ms. Tyrone Biggums." How do I say this without coming off as trying to be crass other than saying, "Your momma is making some crackhead decisions." or "Your momma is practicing crackhead logic." or "Is being a crackhead contagious because your mom is showing symptoms of crackhead-itis?" The subject is so tough and touchy.
I know this older man and he has a teenage daughter and this child is out of control. He thinks that shes a princess, but in reality the child is a hooker....well I take that back hookers get paid she's just giving it away for free. The girl has no standards all a man has to have is a pulse and some lips and she's staking claim and giving up the yanni. She has had sex with her dad's best friend, some family friends, some coworkers, and few stray men here and there and the child is only seventeen. The dad is out fighting and getting into trouble trying to protect something that has been auctioned to the highest bidder many moons ago. I told him that new yanni is like money to men... If you sit a new yanni in front of a man he's going to snatch it up just like money. The man is not going to ask about any birthdays or the legality of the yanni just like he wouldn't ask about if the money is legal. They just take it and run....so goes her innocence. I told him not to let his sanity leave with her innocence. It is totally obvious that his child is a slut. I know that it was harsh, but the man is about to lose everything trying to go to court to get lawyers to sue. He was upset and talking to me about it, so I have the cruel harsh reality to him as easy as I could make it.
The bum boyfriend is a bit easier for me to just say because I have no feelings for losers. My friend is in a relationship with a bum and I wish she would just wake up and let it go, but she hasn't. I listened to her cry about her problems with him and at first I would offer advice then that seemed not to work. I started just listening and only offering support and a listening ear, but no advice. After a few months of this same episode; my nerves were stretched to the maximum limit. I finally had to tell her that she was dealing with a bum. I told her that unless she wanted better for herself there was nothing that complaining to me was going to do about changing the situation. She has to have the resolve within herself to see that this fool ain't worth the salt in his bread. Well I solved two problems with my rant. I opened her eyes up to the complaining attitude that wasn't changing anything...and I freed up some of my daytime minutes on my cell phone because she stopped calling so often.
How do you say things without hurting feelings? Sometimes there is no way to say these things without hurting the ones you love. The truth does indeed hurt, but should be told to give clarity to the stupid situations that we put ourselves in and continue to put up with. I hope that I have friends that will tell me the truth. I might get a little huffy, but I know its out of love. Maybe that truth will give us a chance to bond even closer because I will appreciate the fact that you loved me enough to tell me the whole truth and nothing, but the truth.
Thanks
Suga
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tellin it like it t-i is
I have a reputation for telling things rather bluntly or giving the elephant in the room a trumpet so that all can hear his voice. Lately, I have been trying to tone my tongue because I hurt some one's feelings. Unintentionally hurt as it were, I still felt bad for the hurt feelings.
I have been following my same routine, but trying to sweeten my tongue. My tongue is usually not bitter, but as I said my tongue is very blunt. The other day this old friend of mine said something that took me by surprise. She said that I was a hater of her life because it was so drama free. I gave her the side eye and proceeded to take back all of the promises that I had made about sweetening my words with sugar because this heffa had taken leave of her senses. I turned around and told her that yes I was jealous so very extremely jealous of her life. She has four beautiful children and an adoring husband. I would be crazy not want that for myself, but the drama free part had to be a delusion on her part. Her four kids are Shepard's of laziness, stupidity, and foolishness. I told her of course I could see me being jealous of her life...being that she has a nineteen year old daughter that is knocked up by her live in boyfriend. Her live in boyfriend barely makes enough money to purchase the air for them to breath. He showed me his paycheck one time and I asked him was he an illegal alien...because even an alien would demand better pay.
Of course I'm jealous of her life her only son is a habitual abuser of marijuana, which is fine and okay if you can maintain a job, but he has no job and doesn't read well enough to pass the GED Course, but has time to get a girlfriend. Oh, I am so jealous of having the police call her in the middle of the night because her son was throwing a miniature Woodstock in a mans sugar cane field. Oh, and lets not forget her hubby ...he has a heart of gold but a mind of a rock. He doesn't read or write above a second grade level.
I'm just green with envy of her other daughter who has and is sleeping with half of the town. I hear she has that nasty woman's disease as well. Who wouldn't want a piece of that pie.
So lookey chick if you don't start none it won't be none...I only tell it like it T-I IS.
I have been following my same routine, but trying to sweeten my tongue. My tongue is usually not bitter, but as I said my tongue is very blunt. The other day this old friend of mine said something that took me by surprise. She said that I was a hater of her life because it was so drama free. I gave her the side eye and proceeded to take back all of the promises that I had made about sweetening my words with sugar because this heffa had taken leave of her senses. I turned around and told her that yes I was jealous so very extremely jealous of her life. She has four beautiful children and an adoring husband. I would be crazy not want that for myself, but the drama free part had to be a delusion on her part. Her four kids are Shepard's of laziness, stupidity, and foolishness. I told her of course I could see me being jealous of her life...being that she has a nineteen year old daughter that is knocked up by her live in boyfriend. Her live in boyfriend barely makes enough money to purchase the air for them to breath. He showed me his paycheck one time and I asked him was he an illegal alien...because even an alien would demand better pay.
Of course I'm jealous of her life her only son is a habitual abuser of marijuana, which is fine and okay if you can maintain a job, but he has no job and doesn't read well enough to pass the GED Course, but has time to get a girlfriend. Oh, I am so jealous of having the police call her in the middle of the night because her son was throwing a miniature Woodstock in a mans sugar cane field. Oh, and lets not forget her hubby ...he has a heart of gold but a mind of a rock. He doesn't read or write above a second grade level.
I'm just green with envy of her other daughter who has and is sleeping with half of the town. I hear she has that nasty woman's disease as well. Who wouldn't want a piece of that pie.
So lookey chick if you don't start none it won't be none...I only tell it like it T-I IS.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
WWIV
I met WWIV on an accident. I was thinking about growing my hair back to its natural state when I saw him. He was tall, dark, beautiful smile, with a head full of long flowing healthy locs. I met him at a time in my life where I was pretty much over the male species. Men could only provide me with one thing and one thing only ...directions to the nearest Adult Superstore. I had to say something to him about his hair. His hair was absolutely beautiful. So, I asked him about his hair. How long had he been growing his hair, was it a difficult transition, and who started and did the upkeep of his locs. He was extremely friendly in his responses. Attractive as WWIV was to me I continued on my thought process of him being just a man....and me not being ready to date. We exchanged phone numbers and during months of conversation we discussed natural hair care, life, children, parenting, clouds, ants, pillows, colors, meaningless banter, success, giving, receiving, blessings, curses, childhood, dreams, aspirations, old relationships, and finally love.
One night I was in the bed when my phone rang with the Computer Love ring tone. WWIV had is on ring tone by this time even though I publicly didn't like him in that way. I answered the phone...WWIV let me know that he was just a few miles away from my house and would like to see me. I made arrangements for my friend to come watch my kids and took off to see him. I get to the parking lot and he's standing there so tall, so beautiful, just like the first time I saw him. I park my car. He opens my door, pulls me out of the car, and gives me a big hug. I am shocked, but it feels good. His arms are strong and they hold me just right. It was like his shoulders were custom made for my head. I lay my head on his shoulder. He begins to speak, his breath so sweet, his voice so deep, my body is so hot.
We sit and talk. He confesses that hes into me. I would've played like I really wasn't into him, but I really couldn't. I was standing in a parking lot at midnight on a weekday with my house shoes, a silk scarf, a t-shirt, and some jogging pants on. I couldn't deny the attraction that I felt to him. I tried, but he was just too much of a real brother to let my insecurities, past relationships, and broken heart get in the way of this friendship that had blossomed into much more. He gave me my "okay" back that night. All before that night I was angry, bitter, jaded, frustrated and upset with men, but he gave me the strength back to be "okay". I will love him always for this. I don't know how this relationship will end, but I know that the beginning gave me more and taught me more than any other relationship I've ever been involved in.
I told him that he gave me the strength to be "okay." He said that I always had the strength and that he never knew that I was angry or bitter with men...he only knew that I was the sweetest woman that he had ever met and that I had given him his reason to be "okay." He said that before me the women were rude, needy, and down right disrespectful. He had never met a woman that just let him be who he was without wanting something materially in return.
I just think that we were both brought together at the right place at the right time. I love him for who he is and for who he wants to be. He supports me in my foolishness...He makes it okay to laughs at my mistakes. He makes me feel like its okay to be me. He accepts me ... He doesn't love me different, but he loves me right. I will end this in saying he and I are not perfect, we do have disagreements, but we both know what we want and how good it is.
Suga C
One night I was in the bed when my phone rang with the Computer Love ring tone. WWIV had is on ring tone by this time even though I publicly didn't like him in that way. I answered the phone...WWIV let me know that he was just a few miles away from my house and would like to see me. I made arrangements for my friend to come watch my kids and took off to see him. I get to the parking lot and he's standing there so tall, so beautiful, just like the first time I saw him. I park my car. He opens my door, pulls me out of the car, and gives me a big hug. I am shocked, but it feels good. His arms are strong and they hold me just right. It was like his shoulders were custom made for my head. I lay my head on his shoulder. He begins to speak, his breath so sweet, his voice so deep, my body is so hot.
We sit and talk. He confesses that hes into me. I would've played like I really wasn't into him, but I really couldn't. I was standing in a parking lot at midnight on a weekday with my house shoes, a silk scarf, a t-shirt, and some jogging pants on. I couldn't deny the attraction that I felt to him. I tried, but he was just too much of a real brother to let my insecurities, past relationships, and broken heart get in the way of this friendship that had blossomed into much more. He gave me my "okay" back that night. All before that night I was angry, bitter, jaded, frustrated and upset with men, but he gave me the strength back to be "okay". I will love him always for this. I don't know how this relationship will end, but I know that the beginning gave me more and taught me more than any other relationship I've ever been involved in.
I told him that he gave me the strength to be "okay." He said that I always had the strength and that he never knew that I was angry or bitter with men...he only knew that I was the sweetest woman that he had ever met and that I had given him his reason to be "okay." He said that before me the women were rude, needy, and down right disrespectful. He had never met a woman that just let him be who he was without wanting something materially in return.
I just think that we were both brought together at the right place at the right time. I love him for who he is and for who he wants to be. He supports me in my foolishness...He makes it okay to laughs at my mistakes. He makes me feel like its okay to be me. He accepts me ... He doesn't love me different, but he loves me right. I will end this in saying he and I are not perfect, we do have disagreements, but we both know what we want and how good it is.
Suga C
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Taking Responsibility
I just want to write what's on my heart. I have some things on my heart that I need to get out so that I can purge my system of negativity. I thought that I said my final goodbye to the nasty behavior between you and me when I signed on the dotted line on the divorce papers. I found the attorney, paid for the divorce, tracking fees, and the court costs, but you still find ways to hurt me. I thought that this would help me in dealing with all of the animosity, piss, vinegar, and bad blood feelings about what you had done and continued to do. I have gone to countless counselors to work on me and my dealings with you because whether I like it or not we are going to be tied together for the rest of our lives. I don't want to paint myself as a saint because by no means was I a saint. I was weak and determined to make my marriage lasts because in my mind I thought that love began and ended with my relationship with you. I waited for you to recognize that I was what you wanted. I recognize now that waiting for you to get your stuff together was the biggest mistake of my life. I ruined countless opportunities in order for our marriage to work. I didn't take countless jobs, I worked meaningless jobs just to make money so that our family would stay intact, I changed the way that I used to be to be the woman that you wanted me to be, but nothing I did was ever enough. It took me leaving and getting a peace of mind to recognize that mutilating my inner being didn't help either one of us. The time alone also gave me time to recognize who I truly am. I wasn't a good wife to you because I wasn't a good person to myself. I tried to blame you for all of the problems, but I was a problem as well. I don't blame myself for everything, but I am taking responsibility for the things that happened that I know didn't help, but only harmed me and the marriage. I do, however, admit that if I hadn't changed me; the marriage would've died much sooner. I have let go of these feelings, but now there are some new ones.
Since, I've openly expressed that I have no problem with you having a relationship with our daughter; you have done nothing but abuse that relationship. It seems as if you are using our child to get back at me. You show up when you want to, with some rinky dink crap for her to hold on to then just as quickly as you come you leave. I used to make excuses to her, but now she has some age and understanding; she's not accepting the excuses anymore. She's becoming angry with you. She has told you this, but you think that it is me that is telling her those things. Our child is old enough and smart enough to know lies when she hears them. You haven't come through on one promise that you have made to her.
I have accepted blame for the things that I did to hurt our marriage, but your damaged relationship with our daughter I will not be held responsible for. I am confused about a lot of things, but this one is on you and you alone. I have forgiven you and am moving forward with my life. I wish you the best in all that you do.
Since, I've openly expressed that I have no problem with you having a relationship with our daughter; you have done nothing but abuse that relationship. It seems as if you are using our child to get back at me. You show up when you want to, with some rinky dink crap for her to hold on to then just as quickly as you come you leave. I used to make excuses to her, but now she has some age and understanding; she's not accepting the excuses anymore. She's becoming angry with you. She has told you this, but you think that it is me that is telling her those things. Our child is old enough and smart enough to know lies when she hears them. You haven't come through on one promise that you have made to her.
I have accepted blame for the things that I did to hurt our marriage, but your damaged relationship with our daughter I will not be held responsible for. I am confused about a lot of things, but this one is on you and you alone. I have forgiven you and am moving forward with my life. I wish you the best in all that you do.
Monday, August 24, 2009
I ain't got it
In these trying times people are having to cut back and make sacrifices to make their ends meet. I am one of the people that have had to make some serious sacrifices for my family's needs. I refuse to sit around and let my children go without things that they need because I am able to do something about it. I, however, have these people around me that somehow think that life has all of a sudden changed and issued free money passes to me. The money that I have...I have earned. I didn't go out and sell my body, find a magical money tree, or a leprechaun's pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. I did, however, go to the classified ads and find a job. Getting a job is an archaic concept for some people, but it is a way of life in my home.
The answer is, "NO!" to those of you that are asking for money. I am not a member of the FDIC. My money is not insured by the government. My suggestion to you is to either get a payday loan or better yet just go and get a payday. Stop sitting around waiting on a friggin hand out from me because your hands will rot and fall off if you are waiting for a free pay off from me. I ain't got it, boo!
The answer is, "NO!" to those of you that are asking for free room and board. I am not moving anything else in my house that I have to feed to keep alive. My couch is for sitting not for sleeping. I have put out poison for all of the insects because I refuse to let them sit around my house for free as well. I have placed a sign on my house that reads, "NO CHILDREN, NO PETS, and UNEMPLOYED PERSONS ALLOWED." I thought that would make my stance clear, but obviously you moochers needed more clarification. I ain't got it, boo!
I just don't have the room in my heart or my wallet any longer for you people that are allergic to work. I am moving on with my life. Help yourself and maybe someone will come along to help you . I can not be a crutch to anyone that is not trying to help themselves. Helping people that are totally unwilling to do anything has gotten me into a world of trouble. My help and charitable gifts stop here today.
Thanks
Suga C
The answer is, "NO!" to those of you that are asking for money. I am not a member of the FDIC. My money is not insured by the government. My suggestion to you is to either get a payday loan or better yet just go and get a payday. Stop sitting around waiting on a friggin hand out from me because your hands will rot and fall off if you are waiting for a free pay off from me. I ain't got it, boo!
The answer is, "NO!" to those of you that are asking for free room and board. I am not moving anything else in my house that I have to feed to keep alive. My couch is for sitting not for sleeping. I have put out poison for all of the insects because I refuse to let them sit around my house for free as well. I have placed a sign on my house that reads, "NO CHILDREN, NO PETS, and UNEMPLOYED PERSONS ALLOWED." I thought that would make my stance clear, but obviously you moochers needed more clarification. I ain't got it, boo!
I just don't have the room in my heart or my wallet any longer for you people that are allergic to work. I am moving on with my life. Help yourself and maybe someone will come along to help you . I can not be a crutch to anyone that is not trying to help themselves. Helping people that are totally unwilling to do anything has gotten me into a world of trouble. My help and charitable gifts stop here today.
Thanks
Suga C
Monday, August 17, 2009
Lending a Helping Hand
I am no good Samaritan. As a matter of fact when I see people in a fix/trouble, I try not to make eye contact so that they won't ask me for help. Yeah, I know, I should do better, but at least I'm honest about it. Well, I was coming out of the grocery store on Friday, and I see this elderly lady barely walking to her vehicle with a basket full of groceries. She was shuffling her feet, barely lifting her feet to make the baby steps to get to her vehicle. I was moved to pity. So, against my better judgement I walk over to her and ask her, "Do you need some help?" She promptly says, "NO!" I turn to walk away when she, says under her breath "Ion need no help from no colored woman" I immediately turned around and my instincts were to go over and kick this old broads legs from under her. I just gave her a look, but I continued to my car, which was parked right next to her truck. I over hear her tell her hubby, "Did you see that colored gal, ask me if I needed some help?" I just shook my head and laughed.
First off, who says, "colored" anymore, unless they are referring to how they colored in a coloring book or something. I mean really that showed me that this woman was close to 100 years old with that type of dialect. She called me a "gal" I haven't heard "gal" since I watched Rosewood or Color Purple. I felt like I was living back in the 50's. I didn't address her ignorance, but it did give me a perspective about minding my own business. If, I hadn't tried to help the old worn down bitty with her groceries I would've never been subjected to such foolishness. So, the next time I see that old dusty bag of bones and her hubby struggling to do anything... I will just turn my head and keep it moving because this, "colored gal" has better things to do then to be insulted by an old dusty decrepit bag of bones.
First off, who says, "colored" anymore, unless they are referring to how they colored in a coloring book or something. I mean really that showed me that this woman was close to 100 years old with that type of dialect. She called me a "gal" I haven't heard "gal" since I watched Rosewood or Color Purple. I felt like I was living back in the 50's. I didn't address her ignorance, but it did give me a perspective about minding my own business. If, I hadn't tried to help the old worn down bitty with her groceries I would've never been subjected to such foolishness. So, the next time I see that old dusty bag of bones and her hubby struggling to do anything... I will just turn my head and keep it moving because this, "colored gal" has better things to do then to be insulted by an old dusty decrepit bag of bones.
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